Dear Deeks
by CanadianChick07
Summary: Kensi leaves Deeks with a "Dear John" letter and skips town.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I got this idea from Hawaii Five-0 when McGarrett left Danny with a "Dear Danno" letter. And also Judgement Day where Jenny left Gibbs, a few years back, with a Dear John letter. And I don't usually write Kensi/Deeks so forgive me if this is a little out of character.**

**As always, the disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that you may recognize.**

* * *

Expect the unexpected. Really, that was Kensi Marie Blye's motto. A person could never know what may lie through the twists and turns on the journey of life. And in her line of work, the motto fit. From a case you thought was a slam dunk easy win that turned out to be an international horror story; to a fugitive you thought was dead, but really he just wants revenge; or when you think the room is clear and suddenly you have a gun to your face and your hoping that the bastard behind the gun isn't going to blow your brains out. The unexpected always happened.

And this unexpected turn of events in Kensi's life was well… unexpected and not exactly welcomed. For a girl who was a daddy's girl at heart and was more bad ass Jason Bourne than anything, she wasn't sure what to do. Kensi was always in control, she prided herself on that, but this time… this time was different. She suddenly didn't have any control over what would happen.

Her emotions and her hormones were fucking with her big time and Kensi hated that. She hated being an out of control, volatile person but at this stage in the game, she couldn't really help it. She wanted to; she wanted to return to the way it was. Back to the life that she was comfortable and happy with and knew. But that life was over. It was over the minute she had conformation.

She wondered how it got that far. She knew, she wasn't stupid. The sparks flew between them the first time they met and the sparks had slowly erupted into a firework show every time they were in the same room. She wasn't blind or oblivious, she had a major attraction to him. She was stuck on him, as Callen and Sam pointed out. And for some god awful reason, she couldn't get herself unstuck. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't put the distance that they needed to have, between them.

Sure, some of it was his fault. He egged her on, teased her, flirted with her. It was all just fun and games until they couldn't take it anymore. It was a do or die type of moment when they first realized that they were either going to have to go full steam ahead or ask for either one of them to be transferred. They couldn't work as partners if the "thing" between them wasn't going to work. Both of them knew it.

And all of that led to what she was about to do now. Kensi sat on her bed with a stack of paper in front of her and her favorite black pen. She desperately wanted to put down what she was thinking but she couldn't find the words for it. They weren't coming on a piece of paper. Lots of rolled up paper balls, mistakes, littered her already messy floor. She bit her lip, trying to find the words. He deserved to know. She owed him that at least.

Hell, she owed him a lot more than what she was going to leave him with. For Christ's sake she was taking a page out of Callen's book with what she was about to do. She had heard of Steve McGarrett doing this to Danny when Steve left for Japan. But even though she was probably doing more harm than good with was she was about to do, she couldn't think of another way. She couldn't face him. Kensi was strong, but this event had left her trembling and a complete and utter mess. She knew if she wanted, she could get help. Stay with Sam and his wife maybe, figure out what to do from there. But she couldn't do that either.

Kensi wanted a clean break from Los Angeles, even if it was unfair to the rest of her team. She knew she was being selfish but she couldn't help it. The memories were too hard. Even though this all had to do with Deeks, she felt sorry that her mother would have to deal with the repercussions. Finally, after 15 years, Kensi and Julia had started to connected, but Kensi still couldn't go to her.

Finally the words came to her. She wrote them on a piece of paper, tears streaming down her face. She was sure that some of the tears had fallen on the piece of paper, but she didn't give a damn. After she had finished, she stuffed it in an envelope. She then packed a bag, her passport, gun and some cash along with the go-bag. She was skipping town. Fresh start, even if it meant leaving Deeks with a Dear John letter.

* * *

When Deeks opened up his front door that morning to let Monty out, he never thought his life would be changed forever. He was a firm believer in fate. After all, fate had brought him and Kensi together. But fate had a cruel sense of humor. No, cruel wasn't the right word for it. Horrible, despicable and downright awful. Why was this happening to him? What did he deserve to be left with his? He didn't know. Really, he had no idea.

And just when you thought you knew a person, they throw a pretty damn good right hook at you, and you're left on the ground, trying to figure out what the fuck happened. What made them do that? What did you do to provoke it? Deeks thought he knew Kensi, probably better than anyone. She had told him, in her mother's garage, that he was the only one she trusted. But he didn't think she was capable of that. Callen, sure, but not Kensi Blye. She was always in control of her life, but he knew sometimes emotions swayed her decisions and he was sure that was it. However, Kensi Blye threw one hell of a right hook.

He somehow made it to his couch, and stared at the letter for a long time. Really? She really did that to him? He honestly had no idea what she was completely capable of. He knew she was capable of making him feel like the band nerd trying to go out with the homecoming queen. He didn't think he could really get Kensi, but he did. And he loved every second of the time that they spent together- at work or just on their own. And he thought he did a pretty good job at masking some of the deeper feelings he had for Kensi.

He read the letter, over and over, again. Trying to make sense of what she wrote down. But he couldn't. Why? Why would she not accept his help? Why did she think she needed to do this on her own? It wasn't fair to him, at all. Fuck, nothing was fair these days. Deeks tried to rack his brain for something that could make sense to it. But he couldn't. Really, he was at a loss for words.

_Dear Deeks,_

_I don't really know what to say, or fuck, even what to write down. But I need to do this. For myself and for you. It's better off this way. I know you may not think so, but trust me Marty, it is. We both know we need a clean break from each other. _

_I'm pregnant. Yeah… I know it's not fair to you, hell, it's not fair to me, but trust me, it is better this way. I took the pregnancy test last night. And well, I'm probably about 6 weeks along. Obviously that one night that we drank way too much had a lot of negative repercussions. I'm sorry that this is the way it has to be._

_By the time that you read this, I'll probably be in Hawaii. Please don't come looking for me or come after me. And please, for the love of God, do not ask Eric or Nell to trace my GPS. I've gone off the grid. I don't know what else to do. Marty, I think we both know, it would never work between us. But, I want you to know that I cherished every moment we spent together, even if it resulted in this. _

_I'm sorry_

_Kensi_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I had originally planned for this story to be only a one shot but since I had such positive reviews, I thought I'd add to to it and the plot bunnies cooperated :) So let me know how you like this!**

* * *

The first thing Kensi did when she landed at Honolulu Airport was go to Starbucks. She ordered her normal non fat, no whip caramel frappachinio and then mentally kicked herself big time for doing that. Deeks and her had spent a lot of time bonding over Starbucks coffee and drinking that drink was just bringing back memories of Los Angeles. She thought about throwing it out so she wouldn't have to relieve the memories. But she elected to just keep drinking it. She decided to embrace the memories. If she immediately thought badly about all those past memories, it wouldn't be an easy ride.

She didn't have any checked luggage so she went outside the airport terminal and hailed a cab. She gave the cabbie an address she hadn't been to in a very long time. For some reason it was the first place she thought to come and the first place that made even a little bit of logical sense. Really, she wasn't thinking logically at all. For someone who prided herself on thinking issues through clearly and logically, she wasn't thinking all that rationally.

Kensi walked up the small walk after paying the cabbie. The veranda on the beach house had been decorated nicely and Kensi smiled to herself. She was glad it had a homey touch to it. God knew the house, right on the ocean, needed a lot of work a couple years ago. She was at the door and spent a good 3 minutes just looking at the door knob. What the fuck was she doing here? Right. She ran away from her problems. Kensi couldn't believe herself. Finally she worked up enough nerve to knock on the door.

A weathered man opened the door and nothing was said between the two. All Kensi remembered was running into his arms and his arms closing around her. She just sobbed into his dark blue western shirt. She knew why she had come. Because this was the only person on earth who could comfort her like this. Love her like her dad would have, kicked her ass, kept her secrets. Retired Colonel Mike Richards was that man.

They finally broke apart and Mike held Kensi at an arm's length. "What happened?" Kensi felt guilty because the only time she really called or showed up on Mike's doorstep is when something went wrong. She had shown up at his doorstep when her father was killed in the 'accident.' Kensi had shown up at Mike's house after Jack left on Christmas morning. In fact, she had showed up on Christmas Day. She had shown up three sheets to the wind drunk one time, after a boyfriend cheated on her. And she had called him when Granger thought she had committed all those murders.

Kensi's chin quivered and she kicked off her shoes and sat on the couch. She mentally made a note to ask Mike who made the house look so good. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. "I… I'm pregnant."

Mike sat beside her and put an arm around her, comforting her. She had both feet on the couch and buried her face in his shirt cried even more. She would get her crying over with now. She wasn't sure what stage she was at. Shock, denial, anger, guilt, depression, bargaining, recovery, hope, acceptance, reality. She figured she was probably at the stages of shock and denial. The other stages would come eventually. "Everything is going to be alright, honey."

Kensi sat up and sniffed, even though there were still tear stains on her cheeks and her mascara was smudged to hell. She didn't even want to look in a mirror because she knew that she looked pretty pathetic. Kensi Blye never cried. Ever. She hardly remembered crying at her father's funeral but she was sure making up for it; water breaking a dam. "I left him with a Dear John letter."

Mike just held her even more tightly. This was his best friend's daughter and practically a daughter to him and it hurt him to know she was hurting this much. Kensi never really opened up but when she did, you knew something was wrong. And Mike knew there was a lot more to the story than what was just on the surface. "Oh honey."

Kensi kept crying but looked up when Mike's wife, Kellie, entered the room. "Mike! Did you… Oh, who's this?" Kellie asked, quietly, knowing something was up. Mike looked up at his wife, and she silently got the hint to leave the two of them in peace. She knew Mike had 2 children he wasn't that close with, but she also knew that they looked like. This wasn't one of his kids. But he looked like a father to the woman, crying in his arm. Kellie had never seen Mike with his children, so this was new, the side to him she hadn't seen before.

"I don't know what to do, Mike. I don't," Kensi said as she leaned her head against the back of the couch. Mike placed his arm on her leg, letting her know he was there for her. _Fuck, _she thought. _When did I become so damn emotional? _"I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do after this. I.."

"We take it one day at a time," Mike told her. "I'm here with you every step of the way. No matter what."

Kensi sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "Thanks, Mike."

Mike stood up and was about to leave to go to the kitchen to leave Kensi think in peace when he stood in the doorway of the kitchen and living room. "Everything is going to be alright, Kens."

She just nodded a reply back and walked around the back of the house. She sat down on the sand and over looked the ocean. It was early in the morning so it wasn't all that warm outside. The last time she had sat in this position, it was sunset and she was reading her father's sniper journal Granger had given her. That had given her closure. But this time, looking out onto the Pacific, she was opening a lot of wounds.

Kensi could hear the radio inside Mike and Kellie's house and the faint sounds of Jana Kramer's _Why Ya Wanna _was heard. "Why do you keep making me want you?" That was one of the lyrics and God that was Kensi's life. Why did Deeks make her feel that way? She had never felt that way about a guy before. Never. Even Jack and she thought she loved him. The thought of the word love made Kensi want to hurl, and she wasn't sure if it was just stepping off an airplane, morning sickness or just the sheer thought of the word love.

Mike had told her everything was going to be alright and Kensi desperately wanted to believe him. She really did. But she couldn't. She had just given her baby's father a God damn Dear John letter. Who does that? Oh right, she did. Truthfully, she couldn't really believe that she had done that. Kensi had always been one to face her emotions and fears, but when it came to Deeks, she was much more content to leave them in a box and never open that fucking box. Unfortunately, now, she was having to face those feelings she had left hidden for so long.

* * *

Deeks had given up staring at the letter. He was long past trying to assemble missing pieces and trying to figure out the real reason Kensi had written the fucking letter. He hadn't seen it coming, to put it lightly. He thought they were happy and they were about to maybe even embark on a real relationship. Sure, they had spent time undercover, but sometimes they didn't know if what was said was real or not. But the past few days… Deeks was almost positive that was real. The real Kensi.

It was 10 in the morning and he was drinking a beer that he had found in his fridge. 5 o'clock somewhere, right? He wondered if Kensi was really in Hawaii, or that was just to fool him. He heard a bang on the door and he really wanted to ignore it but he figure it was Callen and Sam. If he didn't answer, they would bust down the door anyways. So he stood and slowly walked over to it and opened it. He didn't even bother looking through the peephole or having his gun on him. To be honest, he was point the past of caring.

"3 words. What the fuck," Callen said as he got a glimpse of the LAPD Detective drinking beer at ten in the morning. Oh he better have a fucking good reason for that, because Hetty would rip him to shreds.

Deeks shrugged, leaving the door open for Callen and Sam, and walked back into his house, swaying slightly, as the alcohol had started to take effect. "Gotta do what you gotta do," he answered back. "Right?"

"Where's Kensi?" Sam asked. "Her phone is turned off, GPS disabled. What the fuck is going on, Deeks?" Sam sat on the couch, next to Deeks, and looked at him like he was out of his mind. He really didn't think Deeks was the type to drink a beer at ten in the morning. But then again, what the hell did Sam know.

Deeks stared into the bottle, a silent reminder of the letter. "Hawaii," he replied, still looking into the bottle. He looked up. "But that's all I know."

"Deeks," Callen warned. "You're not telling the whole truth."

He hadn't wanted to do this. He really didn't want Callen and Sam knowing about his private life. Especially his private life with Kensi. He had thought that they had done a pretty damn good job at keeping things between them strictly professional at work. Besides Hetty, who knew everything, he highly doubted Callen and Sam knew about his relationship, or lack of one now, with Kensi. And he didn't intend on it. So he didn't know if it was the alcohol or him wanting the truth that he handed over the letter to Callen.

Callen read the letter and his face went emotionless. He passed the letter to Sam. After Sam had read it, they exchanged looks. How did they not see it? Sure, the little hints but honestly, Callen thought it was harmless flirting. And truthfully, if their private life didn't affect their working relationship and partnership, he could give a flying fuck what they did on their own time. After all, no one knew that he was seeing Nell, either. But Kensi and Deeks? He mentally kicked himself for not seeing it coming, he was their team leader. And the fact that Kensi was pregnant? Now that was a bomb that Callen really didn't see coming. That one was way out of left field. Even for Kensi who had been known to drop things Callen hadn't seen coming. But this one was like a Hiroshima type bomb. One that would affect Kensi and Deeks forever. But the Dear John letter? Another one he didn't see. Well, he could and couldn't. Kensi had always been a little bit of a flight risk but he figured that the team, Deeks included, gave her stability. And she was one who wasn't afraid to voice her opinion on matters but… Callen was still in shock.

"How long?" Sam asked. Sam was in the same boat as Callen. Didn't see it coming at all. He had always figured that Kensi and Deeks would always eventually hook up. Hetty was known for her match making skills and her ninja like skills, and obviously it worked this time. And he certainly couldn't see Kensi with a baby. Nope, no way.

Deeks closed his eyes and hung his head in shame. There was no turning back now. The damage was done. Callen and Sam knew, so he might as well tell them as much as he could. And maybe they could get Kensi back. "Six weeks?" He guessed. It hadn't seemed like that long ago that the team went out for drinks. They had a lot of alcohol that night. He knew Callen and Nell went home together and he and Kensi went home together. It was the first night of many. Honestly, when Deeks had woken up that morning, he figured that Kensi would play it off like nothing, just a drunken mistake. But she hadn't.

"Any idea where she'd go in Hawaii?" Sam asked. He had been wondering that himself. He knew Kensi's godfather was Joe White, but after events that had happened, he didn't suspect Kensi would go there. Meaning, someone else on the island was pretty damn important to her.

Deeks shook his head. "I have no idea. I'm still in shock, really."

Callen nodded. "It's to be expected. But one thing is for sure, if Kensi doesn't want to be found, she isn't going to be found." Callen had said what they were all thinking. Tracking an elusive Kensi was almost near impossible. She had learned from Callen, and if he did say so himself, he was pretty good and efficient with going off the grid.

"I know," Deeks quietly said. He knew that. But the woman, who he might be in love with, was carrying his child, had ran off and he wasn't sure there was a lot to be done to get her back. She'd come back if she wanted to, he decided.

"Go have a shower," Sam instructed. "We'll wait here and drive you in. And then you get to explain everything to Hetty and we'll figure out what to do then." Deeks put the beer down that he had still be holding and made his way to the bathroom to go get ready.

Callen sat down on a chair in Deeks' living room and turned to Sam. "I didn't see that coming. Did you?"

Sam shook his head. "No. I always knew that they'd hook up eventually, but I didn't think it would lead to a baby and a Dear John letter."

"I didn't think she'd leave a letter and skip town," Callen said. "That's something I would do."

Sam chuckled. "Well, I can." Seeing Callen's confusion, he elaborated. "Kens has never had a stable relationship, before Deeks. I don't know what happened with Jack, but every time things went down the toilet, she'd move on and start serial dating again. But the thing is, she can't. She's pregnant. And she does what she does best- run away from her feelings and emotions. She's been avoiding her feelings for Deeks for a long fucking time."

Callen just looked at Sam. "You said a lot. I've never heard you say that much, at once."

"Shut up, okay. I can talk. You know something. So spill," Sam instructed him. Something wasn't right with this picture. Well, the whole thing was obviously wrong, but something wasn't right with the wrong, if that made sense. "I can't put my finger on it, but it doesn't feel right."

Callen was silent, debating if he should tell Sam. But he elected to. "Kensi had this boyfriend when she first joined our team."

"His name was Will, wasn't it? Whatever happened to him?"

"You were off in Afghanistan, or somewhere, on assignment. He cheated on her, things got messy. She told Macy she was going to Nebraska but I checked her flight and she went to Honolulu. So I started doing some more digging. The man that Kensi moved in with after her father died is a retired Colonel in the Corps. And he lives on the island. His name is Mike Richards. If I was going to be placing any bets on where Kensi might be, I'd bet there."

Sam swallowed. Now came the hard part. "Do we tell Deeks or not?"


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: This chapter mainly deals with Kensi trying to wrap her head around the idea of being pregnant. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything affiliated with CBS: NCIS, NCIS: LA or Hawaii Five-0**

* * *

Kensi stayed out on the sand for a while before coming into the beach house. The ocean was so peaceful and it had a calming effect on her. Well, not really. A million and one things were running through Kensi's mind. What she really needed to do was prioritize and focus on each thought and wrestle through them one at a time. She couldn't do that at this point.

At this precise moment, watching Kellie bake, she was scared shitless. Mike had introduced Kensi to his wife of 8 months and Kensi immediately fell in love with the woman. But watching her work her way around a kitchen so effortlessly- it scared Kensi a lot. God knew she couldn't cook worth shit, her house was a proverbial disaster and domesticated was not even a blimp in Kensi's vocabulary. Oh and- she had never held a baby before. And now she was pregnant. Yup, scared shitless.

She sat at the island, a cup of coffee in front of her. She kept staring into the coffee. Why, she wasn't sure. It wasn't like the coffee was going to humanize itself and give her answers. She needed to figure them out on her own. But fuck, thinking clearly right now wasn't something she could do. "I passed up a promotion for him," she blurted out. She normally didn't share her life with complete strangers, but Kellie didn't seem like a complete stranger.

Kellie stopped the mixing she was doing and faced Kensi, who was sitting at the island. Finally Kensi raised her head to look at Kellie. "Kicking yourself, aren't you?"

"I told myself from the very beginning that I would never put a guy above my career," Kensi explained. "And I did."

Mike chose that moment to enter. "You remember when I took you out for ice cream after you graduated from U of Hawaii?"

Kensi smiled at the memory. It seemed like a distant memory. She had graduated from a high school in Oceanside, as Mike had been stationed at Camp Pendleton. Kensi had started her undergrad at University of Oregon, after they offered her a pretty decent scholarship for her soccer skills. After she had broken her ankle and Mike had been transferred to Hawaii, she transferred her degree to University of Hawaii and finished it there. "Yeah, I remember."

He walked over to the coffee pot maker and poured himself a cup of coffee as he spoke. "You told me a Lady Gaga quote. I didn't know who the fuck she was back then but I thought she sounded pretty smart. You told me 'Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.'"

"Should have taken my own advice," Kensi bitterly said. If she had of taken the damn promotion that Vance had offered her, she wouldn't be in this position. Instead, she'd be a Senior Agent in Bahrain. She cringed at the thought. Why? Why did she think it was better to stay in Los Angeles? Why? She really wrestled with that thought right now. Bahrain would have given her a lot of opportunities to further her career. But she wasn't sure she wanted to stay with NCIS, also. She had it pretty good in Los Angeles. But she wasn't stupid, some of the reasoning behind her staying, was Deeks. She didn't know if was just Hetty and her that knew she had the opportunity to go to Bahrain. Kensi knew Callen and Sam would have encouraged her to go. But she wasn't ready. And she certainly wasn't ready now.

Mike massaged her very tense shoulders. It was something he had done since she was a little girl and as long as she could remember. Kensi felt safe when she was around Mike- it was almost like he was her security blanket. "Baby girl, you can't look at the past. You can only look at the future."

* * *

Later that afternoon, Kensi was baking cinnamon buns with Kellie, in the kitchen. It felt foreign to Kensi, to be in the kitchen, but on the same hand, it felt good to be domestic. She blamed some of the lack of domesticness from being raised by her father and Mike in her teens, and neither of them really cared about housework. Mike's only rule was that the kitchen had to be clean, and that was fine by Kensi. Once in a while, Mike and her would spend a Saturday cleaning it, just for it to be messy by Sunday morning when Mike's officer friends showed up for beers.

There was a knock at the door and Mike, who had been reading a book in the living room, stood up to answer the door. When he opened the heavy wooden door, he wasn't expecting to see Agent G. Callen, standing in front of him. "Callen," Mike said.

Callen sighed looking at Kensi's surrogate father. When Kensi had first ran away from Los Angeles, after the breakup from Will, she had come running to Hawaii. And Callen had followed her. What he didn't know, was that she was holed up at a Colonel's house. The same Colonel who had been two weeks away from a promotion to General, but retired out gracefully after a blogger tried to connect him to an affair with a General's wife. It had been a lie, but Mike Richards had decided he had enough with the Corps. "I figured she'd be here."

Mike stepped aside and let Kensi's friend in. He had seen Callen, once in LA. Mike had landed at LAX and had a four hour layover, flying to Chicago for his daughter's wedding. Callen had been at LAX transferring off a prisoner off to the FBI and they had run into each other in the coffee lineup. "You're in luck. I'm guessing you're not the one to blame for this?"

Callen laughed. "No, I'm not. Where is she?"

Mike gestured towards the kitchen. "In there. I'll be upstairs if you need anything. And if I don't get a chance to say goodbye, good seeing you Callen."

Callen nodded at the former Colonel and walked towards the kitchen. The topic of Mike's fiancée, Kellie, had come up at the meeting so Callen was expecting to see the woman who had married Mike. He still found it hard to believe that someone could keep up to Mike. Just because he was out of the Corps, didn't mean Mike Richards wasn't busy. Callen eyed the pan of cinnamon buns on the counter and Kensi peeling apples, over the sink. "Are those eatable?"

Kensi slowly turned around to face the agent-in-charge. Of all the people to show up on the island, it had to been Callen. Well, what could she say? The man had followed her out here after the Will incident, just to make sure she was okay. Truthfully, Kensi was expecting Hetty to show up in her ninja like ways. She was just glad it wasn't Deeks. She couldn't face her emotions and feelings right now. "You came."

"I did."

Kensi bit her lip and leaned against the counter, watching Callen sit on a bar stool, beside the kitchen island. He had popped in a cookie that Kellie had made, while waiting for Kensi's answer. "Why?" Why? That was the million dollar question that was bugging Kensi. Why would Callen show up? Deeks, and even Hetty, she'd get. She wasn't above throwing him out of Mike's house, but if Callen came all the way to Hawaii, she figured she owed the guy some sort of explanation.

Callen studied his favorite agent. He could see the stress was getting to her. He had bet that she hadn't known long that she had been pregnant. She knew she wouldn't be able to do her job properly if she had it on her mind. Kensi pregnant was something Callen never expected to see. Partly the fact that he could imagine she hadn't held a baby in her life and the fact that she needed a man also. Kensi was one of those serial daters and often had one night stands. Afraid of commitment. Callen and Sam had often teased her, but it was more of a general concern, about the one night stands and it would suck to get pregnant by one of those men. But Callen didn't expect that the man that would get Kensi Blye pregnant was their LAPD Liaison Officer. "Even if you hadn't of told Deeks you'd be in Hawaii, I figured that you would already be here. And anyways, I owe Danny and Chin a beer."

Kensi smiled at the reference to when their Hawaii Five-0 buddies had come to the mainland to assist them on a case. She gestured to outside, where it was nice and hot. "Shall we?" They made their way out to the covered deck, overlooking the ocean. They both sat on the step, feet in the sand. "Deeks know?"

Okay, Callen was glad that she hadn't pushed Deeks to the side of her mind completely. There was a little bit of progress made right there. "Nope. Unless you want me to tell him?"

She shook her head violently. "No!" She realized that sounded a little bit harsh, so she elaborated. "I mean, I just," and then there came a sigh as she tried to piece together her thoughts and explain her actions towards Callen. "I can't face him right now."

"Why'd you run, Kens?" Callen said, and then immediately thought he sounded a lot like Sam when he had just said that. He had come because he could relate better to Kensi. And he was the only other person, beside Lara Macy, that knew about Kensi's relationship to Mike Richards. Okay, Hetty could probably be included in that list, but Hetty knew everything.

She looked over at Callen, sitting beside her. "Why do you run when you don't know what to do next? Romania?"

Callen snickered a little bit. There was the fiery Kensi. "Touché."

"I had suspected it for about two days. Finally I couldn't deal with it. But I was too embarrassed to buy a pregnancy test so I had Nell buy one for me. I took it at home and I knew I was pregnant, it's just I needed those two pink lines to actually confirm it in my head. By the time that I looked at it and it did show I was pregnant, I knew I couldn't face Deeks. So I did what I do best, and run."

Callen looked out onto the ocean and suddenly realized why Kensi came here. It was peaceful. "I kind of get why you finished your undergrad here."

Kensi looked over at him. "You knew?" Not many people knew her relationship to Mike, or the fact that she did her undergrad here. She had a few college friends left, but only one of them still lived on the island. She mentally reminded herself to call or text Miranda Gallagher, who lived about half hour from Mike's place. She had last seen Miranda in Las Vegas, two years ago.

"Just like Hetty knows things, I know some things." Callen answered back. "What are you going to do next?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure. Make a doctor's appointment. Go through all the stages of grief, which somehow apply to me right now and see if Hetty finds out where I am."

"What makes you think she doesn't know?"

"Good point. Does she?"

This time it was Callen's turn to shrug. "She knows." Callen stood up and he was just about to enter the house when he turned around. "You come back when you're ready, Kens. But remember, you can't hide from your feelings forever. Eight months from now, you're going to have to face them, ready or not. And you can't keep Deeks out forever, also. Soon or later, he's going to figure out that you're here."

"I know," was all Kensi's response. Really, she did know. Fuck, did she ever know. And Callen was right; she might as well face her fears sooner, rather than face them in eight months. She was going to have to figure out what her feelings really were for Deeks and if they could make it together. Or if they'd stay together, just for the baby's sake. Or if they couldn't work it out either. She had a lot of figuring out to do.

* * *

As Callen drove to the Five-0 headquarters, he wrestled with one question. To tell Deeks or not. Callen normally didn't overthink matters or issues, he just did it. But this time it was different. This was Kensi he was talking about. She didn't want to be found and it wasn't fair to Kensi for Deeks to show up when she wasn't prepared. And it wasn't fair to keep Deeks out in the dark either. But, it might be better for Kensi to absolutely have to figure it out, if Deeks came.

He didn't pity both agents and he wasn't going to take sides in the matter, either. He had come to Hawaii mainly to see if Kensi was alive. And to see how she was doing. He knew that she trusted him probably the most, besides Deeks, and that was one of the reasons he came. She needed to know she could trust somebody. And Callen just hoped she would come to him if she needed help. But she had Mike and Callen figured Kensi would be alright for a while. He just hoped Deeks understood it as well as Callen understood the situation.


	4. Chapter 4

When Callen got back to Los Angeles, he was still wrestling with whether to tell Deeks. In fairness, he fucking deserved to know. Callen knew if he was ever in the same situation as Deeks and Kensi were in, he'd be more than fucking pissed off at the girl who was doing that to him. But Kensi obviously her reasons for doing what she did, and Callen had to respect that.

He needed someone to make that decision for him because he didn't feel it was his place to get involved in other agent's personal lives, despite how already involved he was. He drove down a quiet road until turning left into a beautiful, gated house. He knew the code so he punched it in and the gate slowly creaked open, revealing a gorgeous house. Callen parked the Mercedes and walked around to the back of his house.

Hetty was on her laptop and had heard him coming. "I thought you'd be making an appearance."

"You know where Kensi is?"

"Her father's best friend," Hetty replied, closing the laptop. There wasn't much she didn't know. And Owen Granger had filled her in on some details that were hazy of Kensi's past. Donald Blye's best friend had been a Marine Colonel that hadn't been attached to their unit. After Don Blye's murder, Kensi refused to see her mother, instead choosing to live with Mike Richards. Mike had petitioned the court for custody and it was granted and Kensi had lived with him until she went to University of Oregon.

Callen nodded, settling into a seat, across from the table that Hetty sat at. "She's confused."

Hetty raised an eyebrow. "She left Deeks with a Dear John letter," Hetty sighed. "She will have to deal with the ramifications of that."

"Do you think I should tell Deeks where Kensi is?" Callen asked.

The older woman was silent for a minute, contemplating the question. She knew her agents well, however, she didn't expect that Kensi would end up pregnant, this early in the young agent's life. But with that being said, Kensi's flighty actions were what Hetty thought would happen. Kensi wasn't ready for commitment and settling down, but she was going to have to get over that. "I think you do."

"Consider it done," Callen replied, getting out his phone and flipping to Deeks' contact. He pressed send message and typed out what he was going to say. He put down several words, and then pressed erase. Finally he just sent this message: **89 Keaulana Ave, Waianae, HI. **"I sure hope this is the right thing to do."

"It is, Mr. Callen," Hetty assured.

* * *

Deeks had been sitting in his apartment when he got the text from Callen. The weekend had given him time to think, which may or may not have been a good thing. He was thinking about what he could do differently, things he could have changed, maybe told her that he loved her. He didn't fucking know anymore. It had only been two days since Kensi had packed up and left and fuck, he was missing her badly. He wanted to talk, and just to see her. But she was in Hawaii and he didn't even know where to begin searching. Kensi was smart and had paid for her ticket in cash so he didn't even know if she went to Honolulu or Maui, or hell, she could be in Argentina for all he knew.

Deeks had programmed each team members contact to a special ringtone and when he heard Callen's he wanted to chuck the phone across the room. That was one person he didn't want to talk to. And he figured it would be a text for Deeks to get his ass back to work or something. Callen couldn't really say anything because he had mysteriously taken off for somewhere. If Sam knew, he was tight lipped about it and wasn't saying anything. Nell claimed to not know where he was, but Deeks knew that was a lie.

When Deeks opened up the phone he was slightly surprised to see the text. No, make that he wanted to fall over in shock, surprised. He did not take Callen as the type to leak a detail. The guy was almost as tight lipped and secretive as Sam was. Deeks only knew about Callen's romance with Nell because he saw them leave together one night after drinks. He stared at the phone for a long while, making sure the words and numbers weren't just appearing to him in a hallucination.

The next thing Deeks knew, he was booking himself on flight 741, out of LAX and bound for Honolulu, Hawaii at 12:12 pm, giving him 3 hours to pack a bag and get to the airport. Plenty of time. Truth be told, he was nervous as hell. He had plugged the address into Google Maps so he knew where to go. Really, he had no idea what was at the address but if Callen had texted him the address, it must have been important. Call it a gut feeling, he was almost positive that is where Kensi was.

It was shortly after 7 pm when Deeks got to the address that Callen had provided. It was an older beach house, with a lanai that wrapped around the entire house, surrounded by million dollar houses and right on the beach. Two wooden chairs faced the driveway and Deeks could just imagine what was on the other side of the house. He knocked twice on the heavy wooden door.

An older man opened the door and through the doorway, Deeks could see a pistol beside the door. Oh shit, Deeks thought. Why the hell would Kensi be here? "Yes?" The man asked.

"LAPD Detective Marty Deeks," he said as he flipped up the badge to show the man. "I'm wondering if Kensi Blye is here."

The older man raised an eyebrow. "Well you must be a pretty good detective to find out she's here. She's out back," he opened the door, allowing Deeks to enter the house. "Kellie and I will be at the neighbours."

Deeks walked through the beach house. He wasn't sure what to expect. How would Kensi be? How would she react when she saw him? He went through the patio doors of the kitchen and out on to the lanai. It was beautiful, no, absolutely gorgeous. He could kind of see why Kensi might escape here. Deeks got a sight of Kensi sitting in a lawn chair, looking out onto the Pacific. "Hi," he said nervously as he walked around the lawn chair.

Kensi sighed as she kept out looking into the ocean. "How did you find this address?"

"You really didn't think I wouldn't find out?" Deeks stood in front of her, blocking her sun and making her look at him. She did look at him, albeit crossed arms and a scowl on her face, told him she wasn't all that happy to see him. He did expect it thought.

She looked up at him. He made her heart skip a beat. He looked more stressed out since the last time she saw him, but she knew she was to blame for that. His baby blues, as Callen and Sam would say, and the surfer hair. She knew exactly why she fell for him. "Yeah, I figured eventually. A little surprised it took you only two days."

Deeks sighed. "Why? Why the letter?"

"Why do you think?" She countered with.

He ran his hands through his blonde hair. "I don't know Kens. That's why I am here. Why did you write the letter and skip town?"

Well he definitely didn't waste any time beating around the bush, Kensi thought. She thought there might be some small talk, how she was feeling, how work was but he just threw it in her face. "I didn't know what else to do!"

"So you ran? Really mature, Kens. Really mature."

"I didn't know what else to do!" She yelled at him. She really didn't want to raise her voice, but she knew this was going to be a big fight. She deserved it. And she had never heard Deeks raise his voice that much. This new side of Deeks was a little frightening.

This time it was Deeks who crossed his arms. "Running is Callen's thing. This isn't you."

Kensi wiped a tear from her eye. She wasn't the type to cry, especially having Deeks see her cry. He had never seen her cry. "I don't know."

"Who's house is this?" Deeks tried a different approach and Kensi recognized it right away.

She wiped the back of her hand across her eye, wiping up the moisture. "My dad's best friend."

He raised an eyebrow. "You came to Hawaii to see your dad's best friend."

"After he died, I lived with Mike. Every time I fucked up my life, I ran to him," Kensi explained.

Deeks sat down in the sand and tried to process all the information Kensi has given him, or the lack of information. She wasn't exactly telling him why she left him with a Dear John letter, told him she was pregnant with his child and ran off. He needed more than that. He was a cop, he needed concrete answers. "So when you're life went to hell and you ran to him."

"Basically. Look, I couldn't face you Deeks. I couldn't tell you I was pregnant."

"It is my child as well," he defended.

She hung her head down. "I know. I don't know why I ran. My job and my career is everything to me and then I find out I'm pregnant. A little bit of a shocker. I don't know where we stand. I don't know where to go from here, Deeks." There she had said it. Part of the reason she had skipped town.

"We talk, you make a doctors appointment," Deeks said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Kensi laughed. "Easy for you to say. It's not your career that is over."

"You're career is not over, Kensi!" Deeks argued. "Just on a little bit of a hiatus."

She looked at him for the first time since he sat down. "I passed up a promotion for you."

Deeks looked at her and into her mismatched eyes. And he could see the fear behind them. The look that told him that she had no idea where to go, what to do, what was going to happen. Kensi Marie Blye hated the fact the unknown, which was funny, in her line of work. "Oh." That was the only thing that came to mind. Kensi passed up a promotion for him? That he never saw coming.

"I just don't know what to do. I'm scared fucking shitless," she admitted and Kensi hated admitting her weaknesses. It was like admitting you were sorry, something she didn't do often. Hell, Kensi hated admitting anything, especially when she was wrong. And she was definitely wrong when she ran from her problems- evident when Deeks showed up in Hawaii.

Deeks looked over at her and took her hand. He was surprised when she didn't pull back and took that as a good sign. "We take it one day at a time."


End file.
